just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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