I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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