You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
