im holly from the hills drunk
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
