You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
