We're facebook friends in real life
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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