fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
