Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
