the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
