he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
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