Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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