I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
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