you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
