I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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