Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
