You're my little dorito
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
