Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
