Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
