I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
