I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
