Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
