i may or may not be watching the land before time
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
