Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize