life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
