She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Who died my cat blue again?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
