from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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