And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
