oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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