nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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