You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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