My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
