brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize