Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
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