She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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