I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
