Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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