How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
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