thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
