The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
