There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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