:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
