I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
