remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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