"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
