an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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