I wish my penis had an off switch
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
