I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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