I skipped work to stalk him.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
