dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Randomize