i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
