Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
