Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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