well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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