And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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