Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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