I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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