So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
