Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
