It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
