I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
