I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
