So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
