I am in a vortex of obligation.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize