I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
