I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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