you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
