Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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