I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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