I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Randomize
