i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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