The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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