so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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