Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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