So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
