I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
