The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Randomize
